good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize