I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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