Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it because I queefed?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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