Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
