Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
