Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
