ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
