I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize