the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
