I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
