: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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