No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
