did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
