I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
