considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
