glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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