Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
