proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
