"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
