Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
