btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
