Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
