I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
