My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
