i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
