...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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