dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
