Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
