It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
