Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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