I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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