Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
