I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
