The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The Olympian is in my bed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
