More tranny stories later!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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