dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
