Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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