The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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