Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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