I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
