okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
