Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
