She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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