Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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