they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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