So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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