They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
