When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize