So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
