just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
