She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
