The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
