I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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