He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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