pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
