Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize