Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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