I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize