I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
