i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
